I stood on
my tiptoes to squeeze my carry-on bag into the small slot left in the overhead
bin. I made my way through the very
crowded plane to find my seat. I sat
down and looked out the window. I knew
what time it was but had not thought about the fact that I would be flying out
at sunset. I adore sunset, the rays, all
the colors, and the thought of the uniqueness of each sunset, that there are
never two just alike.
It had been
a terrible summer. I found out in June
that the baby I was carrying, this child I was so excited to be welcoming
around Christmas, had stopped living. I
was just so very sad, so disappointed that our family would not be growing,
that the dynamic that I had been dreaming of was not coming to be. I hated having to tell my children that their
sibling that was growing inside me three months was no longer growing, trying
to explain to them how this baby was now in heaven, wondering if they wondered
why God had answered our prayer for this baby to be born with a “no.” I trusted
God, but the pain was still there. My
heart was heavy with loss.
This trip
to Chicago to meet a beloved friend had come at a good time, a chance to get
away, to fellowship in Christ, to talk through emotions, to evaluate where my
faith needed to grow. What a blessing to
have a friend to laugh with and grow with through the tough times! I was trying hard to open my eyes to God’s
blessings all around me, and had been blessed during this trip. The time had come to an end, and I was
heading back home to my family, back to the reality of my life, a family of
five, a beloved husband and three precious children that I adore, but still a
void.
When I saw
that it was time for the sun to set, realized how this trip was going to end, I
knew it was a gift from my Heavenly Father.
He does so love me. He wants me
to know that although there are times we walk through when it is dark and we
feel lonely and sad, that He has never left us, never stopped loving, that even
in those times, this life is full of His grace.
The plane
took off, and I could feel that rush of acceleration that I do enjoy. I kept my eye on the window, admiring the
setting sun, the colors that were separating before me, the clouds we were
rising into, watching everything below grow smaller. I knew I was learning, learning about how
small it all is compared to God, about rising up above all the world to be
closer to my Savior, about beauty all around me. I held back tears as I thought about the gift
He was giving me, how much He truly loves me.
I love to
photograph the sunset, capture that once a night event that will never be
duplicated. I know that timing is
important as the sunset does not last very long before the darkness takes over
the night. Not so, tonight. As I flew across the country, I kept seeing
the setting sun. I couldn’t help but
keep looking at the beauty even thought the brightness of the sun burned my
eyes. I didn’t want to miss it. This was my gift. I had to take it all in, and I just kept
taking it all in as it lasted and lasted up there in the sky. The colors deepened as the sun moved down,
but it was like the world was in slow motion as the sun sets so much slower
that far above the land. The clouds
often seen above the setting sun were below.
They darkened also, but still I saw them. I smiled as I thought about the clouds. All week long the sky had been filled with
happy little puffy clouds. Each time I
looked into the sky and saw them, I would say, “Ah, puffy clouds. Puffy clouds make me happy.” There is just something about those clouds
that brings a smile to my face: gifts, each one of them. I decided to open my Bible and read, but I
kept peeking up at the window, watching until all the light was gone. I felt so loved.
I slept
well and headed home the next day. I
looked at the sky in search of my happy little clouds, but they were not
there. As I drove on, I began to see a
few tiny clouds ahead of me. I
smiled. The closer I got to home, the
more puffy clouds appeared before me.
Oh, these little gifts leading me home.
I made it home with a smile on my face and thanksgiving in my heart, home
to my precious gifts I get to embrace here on earth, so much grace, so much
love.
