The Gift

They were some of the hardest days of my life, to wonder if my baby girl would live. I look back and see the gift. Of course my daughter was a wonderful gift, but along the way the Lord gave me another gift, though at the time it was hard to see. I thank God for that gift.

I remember asking for the possible diagnosis.
I remember the small sheet of paper with the words achondroplasia and Trisomy 18. The third possibility was that it was nothing. The fourth was that it was something really rare; this was unlikely.
I remember hurrying home to look these up online.
I remember regretting that.
I remember each week as the doctor leaned towards Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome).
I remember longing to have a daughter with dwarfism.
I remember not wanting to buy baby clothes, not wanting to set a date for my baby shower.
I remember a friend telling me not to be negative because that was not like me.
I remember searching for children with Trisomy 18 that lived.
I remember finding only a handful.
I remember wanting my child to live but not wanting to be disappointed.
I remember praying for God’s will.
I remember praying that no matter what happened that God would be glorified through her life, however that might be.
I remember the needle.
I remember holding my breath as I watched them take the sample from by growing belly.
I remember the wait.
I remember the support from friends and family.
I remember all the prayers lifted on our behalf.
I remember the first call: no achondroplasia.
I remember the way that my heart sank.
I remember more waiting.
I remember the second call: Turner Syndrome.
I remember knowing it was going to be okay.
I remember knowing that my daughter would live.
I remember wanting her out so badly because maybe I didn’t know if she would live.
I remember her birth.
I remember how perfect she was.
I remember thinking the doctors were idiots for not knowing it was Turner’s not Edwards‘.
Now I know it was a gift.
To wonder if my daughter would live, to know it could be so much worse, perspective: it was a gift.
I will not wonder why for I know it was a gift that I will forever be grateful to have.
Thank you, Lord, for that gift.

Baby Dedication

Dedicated to You , O Lord,
We bring our children to You,
We know they’re yours already,
Entrusted to us on this earth,
And we thank You for each life,
You’ve placed into our arms,
We come as brothers and sisters,
Devoted to You alone,
To guide us on this journey,
To lead them to Your truth,
Please draw each one to You,
That they may know Your love,
That they may know Your plan for them,
That they may walk with You,
Teach us, Lord, to teach them,
Love us, Lord, to love them,
Guide us, Lord, to guide them,
That they might call You Lord