Faith and Mercy and Rest

I spent 2016 wrestling with "faith," looking for rest, so tired, so tired, but not the kind of tired sleep fixes. No, it was the all-over, "I don't even want to care" tired, not that I didn't care, just didn't really want to, and I didn't care as much as I knew I should. Anyway, I opened the Word, mid-2016, and there was "Rest" on Day 7 of Creation, not "go to sleep" rest, but "it's all complete in Him" rest. Yep. That's what I needed, "His rest," so I dug back into the Word.  His rest wasn't going to come by relaxing into complacency. His rest would be found by diligently seeking the Rest-giver.

I have read through the Bible on multiple occasions, but for the last few years, I just wasn't getting into it like I wanted to and wasn't feeling motivated, being too tired to care. I DID WANT to want to care. I made a plan to read alongside some other ladies, and that was motivating. I had been wanting to write again, which is a great way for me to process. By the end of 2016, I was feeling much more confident in faith, having spent more time with the Faithful One.

So then came my new word, "mercy," for 2017. I knew my need to be more merciful, and I knew God clearly gave me this word so I felt ready to move forward with it. "Faith" kept popping up, and I thought it was so cool that God had me finish 2016 with faith and that I wasn't leaving it behind as I faced a new year. God is so faithful!

By this time in my Bible reading, I was getting deep into the major prophets of the Old Testament. I was trying to learn about how I could be more merciful, and my merciful, loving Father was busy showing me how full of mercy He is, affirming again how faithful He is to His covenant.

It is clear that I can never have the faith I want to have by digging deeper into myself. I have to dig deeper into better knowing the Faithful One. He is so faithful that when I cannot find faith, He gives me His. He is a covenant keeper, and not only does He keep His side; He keeps mine too.
I can never be the woman full of mercy I want to be by trying harder. I have to look to the Merciful One and acknowledge the abundance of mercy that He has had on me. His mercy can flow through me to others, but I have to not neglect making time to know Him more and more.

By His great mercy, He has drawn me back deeply into the Word, where I am finding more and more of His greatness. There is where my faith grows, and there is where I'm finding rest. I feared I'd never hunger for the Word like I once had, but my merciful Father has drawn me once again with bands of love to a place of rest in Him (full of spiritual and intellectual stimulation), a place I hunger to be, where I find Jesus everywhere I look.